With all due respect…

Says everyone, but I’m sure nobody- not one- means it, ever. No matter what they say about themselves, everyone has a huge bloated ego and when you say something to their face that they is contrary to their beliefs, it is certain that they’ll fight tooth and nail to refute it.

Hence the prevalent use of terms like ‘with all due respect’, ‘no offense’, ‘with due consideration’ etc. intended to ameliorate the situation. Ironically though, when people use these terms, they seldom mean it and that leads to hilarious circumstances sometimes- hilarious to the audience, I mean. These situations are far from hilarious to the speaker and to the recipient; the recipient will take offense, without exception and the speaker will have many an indignant person to deal with.

So the next time you tell your boss something that starts like this- “with all due respect sir…”- take my seasoned word that it doesn’t matter at all what you say after the phrase. That time you say ‘no offense…” to your colleagues, boom! These four words uttered and alea jacta est!

This doesn’t mean we are doomed to mollifying idiots’ egos. Unless you are Caesar or you just don’t give a hoot for the person, (read, the very last time you talk to your ex-boss), there’s pretty much just one thing that could save you- sarcasm. Copious, witty sarcasm. It saved my ass twice, I’m sure it’d come to your rescue too…

Hasta la vista!

Mach
26th October, 2014

Bangalore
Location: Bengaluru, Karnataka, India

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